Dear Sister Randy,

Is sinful food really "full of sin"? Is a bowl of ice cream just a sweet, calorie filled concoction of the devil?

Sweet Trooth

Dear "Sweet Trooth",

Simply being "loaded with calories" doesn't make food inherently evil. Unfortunately however, ice cream DOES contain an unusual amount of saturated sin. Luckily the Vatican is on the verge of releasing their own line of sin free ice cream products. In fact, in an attempt to lure and convert the young, the Vatican is planning a line of popsicles called "pope-sicles". They will be distributed using ice cream trucks modified to look like pope-mobiles and which will blare out a catchy version of Amazing Grace. A new class of spiritual bureaucrat will be created to drive these pope-sicle-mobiles. In the church hierarchy they will be ranked between Priests (aka Fathers) and Monsignors and will be called "Sugar Daddies".

Here are some examples of the proposed product line:

• "The Hades": A twisted, frozen mass of tortured souls (in various flavors) on a fiery red sugar cone.
• "The Original Sin": An apple flavored serpent of sinfully sweet frozen syrup coiled around a stick.
• "The Holy Cow": A swirling black and white chocolate exterior with a frozen cream center.
• "The Papal Scepter": Your typical Big Stick encrusted with frozen jewels of flavored ice.
• "The Holy Shit": A traditional fudge bar coated with a shimmering layer of golden chocolate.
• "The Push-Up Pope": A Push Up bearing a striking resemblance to the Pope. Various papal inscriptions, designed to delight youngsters, will grace the surface of the surrounding cardboard tube.
• "Noah's Ark": Your standard banana split but with animal crackers sprinkled throughout.

"Christ on a Stick" and "The Bloody Heretic" are some of the other "soon to be released" PopeSicles.

Amen,
Sister Randy