Dear Sister Randy,
Is sinful food really "full of sin"? Is a bowl of ice cream just a sweet, calorie filled concoction of the devil?
Dear "Sweet Trooth",
Simply being "loaded with calories" doesn't make food inherently evil. Unfortunately however, ice cream DOES contain an unusual amount of saturated sin. Luckily the Vatican is on the verge of releasing their own line of sin free ice cream products. In fact, in an attempt to lure and convert the young, the Vatican is planning a line of popsicles called "pope-sicles". They will be distributed using ice cream trucks modified to look like pope-mobiles and which will blare out a catchy version of Amazing Grace. A new class of spiritual bureaucrat will be created to drive these pope-sicle-mobiles. In the church hierarchy they will be ranked between Priests (aka Fathers) and Monsignors and will be called "Sugar Daddies".
Here are some examples of the proposed product line:
"Christ on a Stick" and "The Bloody Heretic" are some of the other "soon to be released" PopeSicles.