Dear Sister Randy,

While laying out in the sun I will often let flies land on me and crawl around on my semi-naked body. The sensation is like having countless miniature masseuses working simultaneously across the vast expanse of my skin. A pleasurable, diffuse tickling. I know they are disgusting dirty creatures but the temptation is too great to resist.

Tickled Pink (by flies)

Dear Tickled Pink (by flies),

As you are probably aware, those very same flies have probably just come from visiting a fresh turd elsewhere in the vicinity. Simply visualizing your situation causes me to gag somewhat uncontrollably. But, I must confess, I was intrigued and gave it a try myself. Enchanting is all I can say of the experience.

Just make sure that you don't have any open wounds or else you may find yourself pregnant with a bundle of squirming joy. Then again, some may find the sensation of maggots wiggling around under their skin to be even more irresistable. To each his own.

Oh, by the way, there ARE flies in heaven, except they have little angel wings and land on golden turds that smell like honeysuckle.

Amen,
Sister Randy