Dear Sister Randy,

I've always been rather fond of apples but lately I've been wondering if perhaps I'm committing a sin by eating them. Aren't they, after all, the Forbidden Fruit? The very same fruit that got us kicked out of the Garden of Eden?

Forbidden Fruit

Dear Forbidden Fruit,

For many years now, a thin layer of wax has been applied to apples for this very reason. That is, to protect us from actual contact with apples and any residual sinfulness that they may contain.

Prior to the waxing of apples we (myself and my fellow nuns at the nunnery) would eat apples and their associated by-products (e.g. turnovers, pies, etc...) but then stick our fingers down our throats and purge the sinfullness back out. In this way, we were able to enjoy the sinful taste of apples without actually consuming them. This was also a useful technique for other forbidden fruit, such as twinkies, oreo cookies and ice cream.

In summary, the wax barrier has protected you from absorbing any sin and you are therefore sin-free.

All the Best (apple pie you can eat),

Sister Randy